30 days of truth {day 17}

a book you read that changed your views on something...

At first thought I wanted to say *twilight* because now I know there are vampires that sparkle in the light! hehehe And because I just loved those books, yes I am a teenager at heart... or atleast it took me back to those days and I've gotten all nostalgic and everything about it.

But seriously.

I thought of a couple books I have read recently, the alchemist by paulo coelho {seriously an AWESOME book, very insightful, and inspiring} and bel canto by ann patchett {also awesome and beautiful and confusing but in a good way}.

Run by Ann Patchett is the book I want to discuss. It's a novel about adoption, racism, rich and poor, white and black, love, sacrafice, public service, politics, heart ache, death, disapointment, expectations, self destruction and a girl who can run all occuring within a 24-hour time frame.

I live in a suburb of Salt Lake City, Utah, there is very little diversity here. There are also very little financial segregation (or racial segregation) that I see here. SO it was very eye opening and insightful when we meet 2 boys who are black, adopted by a wealthy influentail political white family. Raised with love, but still feel the sting of racism, even if only from a distance. Then we meet a little black girl, single parent family, scarry neighborhood, street smart, but still good and kind, so smart but can't get a break to get into a good school. Just the stark opposite of the lives of these children is mind blowing and harsh.

I have lived in poverty, in a sigle parent home, where we were lucky to make ends meet {and it got worse for my younger siblings after I went to college}. But even with those obsticles, I was not faced with racism and segregation {even if it's not *legal* anymore}. I don't see *it* everyday, I don't have to deal with *it* in my day to day life, but that reality still exists for so many people.

Some people are just in tough situations, whether because of education {or lack thereof}, disabilities, or crisis; whether on their own accord, or because of someone else. Despite their situation some people are loving, kind, and caring. Others are bitter, angry, and vengeful. Whether we chose to *act* or *react* to our situation will show the character of our spirit. Do we chose to help those in a *tough situation* or to just look the other way? And how can we help? We do not have to dispense of our monitary gain as if our *good fortune* is a punishment. We all have a role to play, a hand to lend, a shoulder to cry on, a foot rest for the weary. I have felt the uplift in my spirit by a passing smile, an opened door, or a warm hug.

Maybe I live in the *white sea* of Utah, that doesn't mean I can't make a difference in the lives of those around me. If nothing else I can take a stand politically to support my leaders to make choices that really do make a difference. If you knew me, you'd know politics isn't my passion or even comfort zone. But I am learning, as I grow up {ok so it's taken me awhile} that if I don't take a stand for my beliefs, whether they be with or against the majority, then I am failing as a citizen of this great country. My right to cast my vote has been brought to me by the blood, sweat, and tears of those before me, especially as a woman. How long have we, as women, had this right to vote? How many of you, like me, take that right for granted and don't learn enough to even make an informed vote? I pledge that I will take action, learn, listen, understand, and cast my vote according to my beliefs and education. I will no longer sit by and let others make decisions for me, I will take a stand, I will do my part. Because if I don't then who will!?!

My precious bob-a-loo is 3 years old!

My Precious Bob-a-loo is 3! He chose the pink icing for his cupcakes, and honestly I think the strawberry flavoring made it so much better!

He had a great day! Got to have special birthday food all day long, including chocolate marshmallow cereal (SUGAR), fruit snacks, and of course little hot dogs and french fries and soda for dinner.

We had an impromptu birthday party with friends from the neighborhood. The party started out as *it's my party and I'll cry if i want to*, but once he was finally awake {took a 5 min nap picking up monkey from school} he was glad to play with friends.


I was happy to have a party where there was yummy cupcakes, kids playing everywhere, and mom's sitting and chatting about life. A great way for all to celebrate the birth of my precious little one!


It's amazing to think that only 3 years ago my little guy was born. I use the word *little* loosely as he was born at 10 lbs 2 oz. Lucky my OB thought he was *too* big and induced me 10 days early, I can't imagine having a larger baby.


I'm so glad he came to me, he has made my life so exciting and fun and lovable!


Happy Birthday Precious Bob-a-loo!!!!

30 days of truth {day 15 & 16}

you may have noticed that there is no {day 13 &14}, you did not miss them, I just chose not to do them. They didn't seem important enough to spend my valuable time trying to come up with something I don't use to get me through something; or make up a fake hero who let me down, because I don't chose to have hero's made up of pop culture idols.

something you couldn't live without, because you tried living without it...

This was actually pretty simple for me to come up with, I can't live without sugar. I know, it sounds kind of addictive and dumb, and really it is an addictive issue with me, I think. I have done all sorts of crazy diets, no sugar for X amount of days, weeks, months. I learned how to do them, and be fine while adhearing to the strictness of this diet. However, as soon as I allow the sugar back, I binge so bad on sugar for atleast as long as I was off it. It is the most rediculous situation ever!

Recently I have been learning about myself and my eating tendancies and I see that when I am stressed, emotional, happy, celebrating, miserable, excited, bored {there's a few more I could put in here, but I think you get the idea} I reach for nothing less than candy {or cake or ice cream or chocolate}. I have to be very aware and concious of what I'm doing, or I eat it and don't even taste it {how sad is that, I claim I love the taste of these things but I really don't allow myself to enjoy them}. My mouth {or my emotions} want to eat it, but if I listen to my body the idea gets me nautious.

As I have been dealing with my recent stresses I have seen myself unconciously grab sugar of some sort. I want to eat whatever it is, but I give myself a minute before I do, and during that minute I continue talking to someone about my stress, or write in my journal, or somehow deal with what I'm *stressing* over; and then the most amazing thing happens, I no longer have the desire to eat that sugar. It is something I have never experienced before, and it's really wierd and neat.

So, maybe yesterday I could not live without sugar, today I am finding that I don't always desire it to assist in de-sensitizing myself, and maybe there will come a day when I can live without sugar, atleast as a means to deal with stress.

someone or something you could definitely live with out...

This one is easy too, I could definitely live with out STRESS!

Stress can come in many forms: emotional stress, physical stress, spiritual stress, and mental stress. Some of these kinds of stress can actually help you further yourself, such as the physical stress of exercise helps your body get stronger, the spiritual stress of a trial helps you gain abilities you would have otherwise not attained, the mental stress of learning a new skill helps keep your mind young and strong.

So if I'm going to look at the *glass half full* point of view, then stress is good for you. BUT stress can cause all sorts of physical *problems*, even when the stress is emotional.

Example: I have been highly stressed about some family issues, very emotionally stressing, and now I have developed an autoimmune disease of the thyroid.

This stress created more problems, and that is the kind of stress I would LOVE to NEVER live with again! Is that a possibility, probably not. Even if I do everything I can to create a *stress free* environment, I don't have control of all factors involved in my life. But my goal is to use what I do have control of and do everything in my power to limit the amount of stress I continue to bear.

30 days of truth {day 11 & 12}

something people seem to compliment you on the most...

I don't particularly feel like tooting my own horn. However, since it's asked for, I guess I can let you know what others compliment me on, I guess.

At least this is something I enjoy, and have actually put some time and energy into. People seem to compliment me most on my singing voice.

Now I do remember a time, as a child, when I thought I had the best voice ever, and I wanted to share it with everyone... don't hide your talents under a bushel... and all that crap. But I also learned later that I'm not as good as I thought I was. In high school, I was a big fish in a little pond; with my graduating class of 105 {the biggest to that point} there wasn't a lot of competition in the vocal arena. Once I went to the *big* school {Utah State University} I soon realized that I had to put A LOT of work into my vocals if I was going to do anything more than sing in church and to my children. I ultimately chose to go another route [I was a music major for my first year in college and now I have a degree in Geology] and I really am happy with my choice. So that's what I do, I sing in church and to my children. I've contemplated giving it a go at the community musicals, but my time constraints are not allowing such an adventure at this point in my life. All that said, I really do enjoy getting those compliments.

something people seem to never compliment you on...

So this almost could go for the tooting my own horn but other's just don't see it, or it could go I don't get compliments on this because I am horrible at it.

I definitely don't get compliments on how well I watch television, because I really am good at that!

Or on how long it can take me to get a load of laundry cleaned, dried, folded and put away, I haven't actually clocked it, but I'm thinking somewhere around a week might be close to my longest.

Or on how many craft projects I can have going at one time, and never actually finish one.

Or on how dirty I can let my house get before I actually do something about it. seriously bad.

Or on how much I really LOVE my children. really.

Or on how many times I can check facebook, blogs, and my email in one day. I hate to admit how poorly I use my time.

Or on how I held my tongue and didn't yell at my boys when they were really annoying me.

Or on how I was able to do my business, move my family across 4 states, and stay sane, all by myself.

Or on how I am finally learning how to text. and it doesn't take me 10 minutes to send one sentence.

Or on how I've managed to stay focused on my boys and what is best for them amidst the turmoil and stress surrounding me.

Or on how I can let my kids watch tv all day and not be phased when they ask for more tv.

Or on how I manage to pay all of my bills each month even though right now I have absolutely no income.

Or on how I can put away a box of Oreo Cookies. sorry to admit it, but within an hour or two. easy.

Or on how I can still see the good in others after I have seen ALL of the bad in them.

I don't seem to get compliments on any of those, I don't really expect to receive compliments on all of them, and some I definitely don't diserve compliments. For just a couple of those, my own acknowldegement of them is enough for me.

30 days of truth { day 9 & 10}

someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted...

I have several friends from high school, who I thought would always be apart of my life, but are no longer. One I really wanted to continue to be in my life was my good friend KC. It's funny how you can try so hard to keep a friendship alive, but it doesn't always happen. Now with *facebook* and all the social media sites, it's so fun to find those friends again. I am no longer apart of KC's life, and he is no longer apart of mine, but it's just fun to have a glimpse of his life occasionally on their family blog or on facebook.

someone you need to let got, or wish you didn't know...

I actually don't have anyone I wish I didn't know. I'm not saying I haven't had people in my life who have made it difficult, or who have hurt me; but I have learned that despite the heartache or pain I am grateful to have known everyone. People come into our lives, some we invite, some just barge in, some we want, some we don't want, but they ALL can teach us lessons. Truthfully, I have probably learned the most about myself when faced with people whom I did not want to be apart of my life. These people, with good or bad influences on my life, have strengthened me and helped me become the person I am today.

30 days of truth {day 7 & 8}

someone who has made your life worth living...

This was a very easy post. My two boys, Monkey {right} and Bob-a-loo {left}. They are my whole and entire world! Being their mother has made me the person I am today. I have learned so much from these boys, about myself and about life. They have helped me realize my own self-worth. They have also *helped* me develope patience, and have accepted apologies when my patience was not quite there yet.

Someone who has made your life hell, or treated you like {poo}...


I actually had a couple thoughts come up about this post and decided upon a more recent event. The names and places have been changed to protect the innocent, and the not so innocent. I moved to a new area, as an adult, and was having a really difficult time making friends. I tried getting a play group together with church ladies, didn't work. I tried offering my services to teach classes, no one came or was at all intersted. So {tada} I got a "calling" in my church to visit teach. I was really excited about this opportunity, because this is how I made my very best friends at the last place I lived. I couldn't get ahold of my partner {oh no!} #1 possibility of friendship: failed. OK I can do this, I visited my ladies on my own. The first gal, after I spent an hour talking to her and trying really hard, said *I really don't need visiting teachers, please don't come back again*. Wow #2 possibility of friendship: failed. I still had one more lady to visit teach. She was so sweet, we talked WAY too long. We had big things in common {we were both early pregnant like due a couple weeks apart}. This all seems to be going in the right direction. Then just to be clear I said something about really needing friends this woman, who moments before I believed would be my new very best friend, said, *so & so down the street seems to be looking for friends and then commented on how busy she is these days*. This one hurt, #3 possibility of friendship: failed. But have no fear, it can go the other way, I have visiting teachers coming to visit me, they may be my new very best friends. {this may be the worst offense of them all} These ladies come and visit, I'm way excited to talk with new people, get to know them, have them get to know me, have a fun grown-up conversation, life is looking up. They arrive at my house, sit on my couch, and don't talk with me. They continue their conversation, that I have absolutely no farmiliarity with the topic. I even try to interject some random comments to help them realize that they're here to visit with me, with no avail. But FINALLY the conversation gets around to saying hello to me and asking somthing about me. Unfortunately I apparently I offended one of them, her face got all screwed up and then ornery {really all I said was something about not liking aerobics but the class I taught was more like a dance class} and it was all over. The lesson was quickly administered and they left with no passing thought of introducing friendship to the visiting teaching message. Honestly I cried, with #4 & #5 possibility of friendship: failed & failed; I was devistated. I was a stay at home mom, with no outside friends, no grown-up conversations to have {atleast before 5 or 6 pm when my hubby got home}, no one to help me through the day, no one that I could help through the day, no one to call and borrow milk or eggs from, no one... this lasted 2 years. All I wanted, every single day, was to move back to my loving friends who cared about me, who knew me, and who loved me. It took even more devistation in my life to finally bring some friends to me. What a trying and difficult time in my life.

30 days of truth {day 5 & 6}

Something you hope to do in your life...



Well, I definitely have a list of goals, activities I really want to accomplish. I turned 30 last year {actually it's coming up on 2 years ago pretty darn quick!} and I came up with a list of *things* I want to do while in my 30 {somethings}. Some {ok one} I accomplished within the first year: completing a sprint triathlon {see prior post in 2009}. Others are coming along and will be completed before 2019.

Here they are: rock climb-in the mountains {none of that whimpy indoor climbing gym crap, but actual on the rock surface, exposed to the elements, with my hand lense identifying the rock type, rock climbing!}, surf {this could actually be an easy fix, my favorite {blood line} sis. lives in good 'ole southern cal and apparently knows how to surf!}, kayak in a river {I've already done the sea kayak at Lake Powell *which by the way was fantastic* but here I want the river kayak, know how to roll, map out the route, on the rough water, river kayak}, travel {here it comes...} to Hawaii {would have never guessed that, right?} and to Europe {I have already been to europe so some would ask why I want to go back, which I would ask in return, *never been ,huh?*}, and run {yes I did say r.u.n.} a 5k {done it, I would love to go faster than whatever a 20 min mile pace would be... ok so I exaggerate my actual time but it was S.L.O.W. sssslllloooowwwww!}, a 10k {this one I have actually never tried, and it kinda scares me} and lastly a 1/2 marathon {didn't see that one coming did you, if a 10k scares me then what..., but I've actually completed 2 -1/2 marathons (which I think should count as a marathon because that's as close as I will EVER get to a full marathon [you crazy lunatics]) and although it is really tough it was also great}. Another *thing* I wasn't sure would actually get completed in that 10 year time frame, but I still want to share, is: get my pilot license {a dream I have had for like forever, and of course I have to get an air plane too}.





Something you hope never to have to do...

Move {ok, so this is more of a joke, I would love to get a nicer house at some point in the future, but as I have moved to Washington and then back to Utah within 6 months of each other, I really, really, really, really, really don't want to move again for a Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very long time!}

At first when I saw this post I thought I would never want to fight a grizzly bear, or fall off a cliff, or get eaten by a mountain lion, or move {lol}. I feel those are all very valid, but maybe not the same caliber of truth as the {30 days of truth} is trying to get at. I have read other blogs, also doing this truth thing, and I'm on the same line of thought with losing a child being the most horrible possible experience. But maybe I'm just a little more masochistic than others, or maybe just more morbid because I hope never to have to make *Sophie's choice*. Honestly I can't see why I would ever be in such a position to have to chose which child should live while the other doesn't, but I can't imagine the heartache and turmoil such a decision would create.

However there are decisions we make that actually do have such a large impact on the lives of our children, that they could actually be that significant. Even something as *insignificant* as puting a child into a carseat. As I've heard something like 80% or 90% of carseats are installed incorrectly. Are you among the 10% that has it right, or the 90% that doesn't? And have you not made that choice, even subconciously or unconciously, by chosing not to have the carseat checked by a professional? I can admit that I am a bit of a carseat freak and I am very vigilent in caring for my children's carseat safety. I never want to feel the pain of a lost child, but even more so I NEVER want to feel that pain and know there was something I could have done to avoid that tragedy.